Instant gratification

I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like I need to have something I want right away. However, I am learning that the good things come to those who wait. As you may or may not know, May of this year I joined CrossFit Bane. It started off as a 10 punchcard, and I went about maybe twice a week then worked up to three times a week.  When my punchcard was used I was hooked I started in June at 5 days a week. However let me backtrack for a moment. At the end of May, my family went to Walt Disney World. It was my daughter's first trip and I knew I wanted to look my best. Did I know that I think I looked decent yes. With everything that I had gone on in the last year, something that maybe I will talk about later, I knew that I had let myself go. However now that I go to Bane five days a week, and I'm eating healthier, I came across this picture.

I look happy, and I'm dressing like I feel comfortable in my skin, but I really don't. Did I know that I had some weight to lose yes, did I really think that I let myself go that much no way.so yesterday, after I found this picture, I had to take a picture.

I know from this picture that you can see the changes, they're not that drastic but you can see them. But you see, I don't see them. Sometimes I feel that we focus on our flaws, that we don't see the progress that we've made. Yes, my friends comment on the changes that they made and I graciously accept the compliment, but now I really need to start seeing it. I know that I am putting in the work, I'm eating healthier and feeling better I just need to cut myself some slack. I didn't put the weight on overnight, I can expected to fall off overnight either. I guess what I am trying to say, is I am proud of myself. Getting healthy isn't something that can relished. It isn't something that will provide instant gratification, but in the long run, I know I will be better for it. I will be around longer and be healthier for my daughter, and quite frankly, that in itself is gratification enough. So, whenever you feel like giving up, and trust me I have, ALWAYS remember why you started. I promise, you will get there.

Not how I wanted to start the month

Happy October 1! Where did the month of September go, but more importantly where has 2014 gone?!? I can't believe that we are closing in on the final months of the year. The final chances to hit those goals that we set in January. Do people even still set New Year's resolutions?!? I know last year I set one about running 2 half marathons in 2013 and I ran 6. Guess I can make that my resolution until 2016!  I don't even know what my resolutions were for 2014, nor do I know if I made any of them. What I do know is that I am not sure yet if I should even bother setting them in 2015. What does it mean if you don't accomplish them? Does it make you less of a person? Does it make your self-worth go down? I think that maybe instead of resolving to so something new and different I should resolve to stay the status quo. 

I lie awake at 3:40, knowing I should be resting to head to the gym at 4:30 this am. But, it doesn't look like it is in my cards for today. I have been awake for the last 2 hours coughing so hopefully I can find some rest in the next couple of hours until I have to get ready for work. I try to work through it, and I try to push myself, but sometimes you just have to listen and rest. With my first competition 17 days away, I am paying extra attention to what my body needs and hopefully nurturing it back health so I can lift heavy things.

How often do you listen to your body and take rest breaks? Or do you push yourself and hope you can sweat out what ails you?

Long time coming

It has been a long time since I last wrote on this blog. A long long time. A little over 11 months to be exact. A lot has changed in my personal life, a lot has changed in my professional life, but most importantly, a lot has changed with me.  I don't even know how to start to catch anyone up on the whirlwind of the last 11 months. I guess I won't, well not yet.. It's not that I don't want too, I just don't think I am ready yet to go through those emotions again. Where I will start, is today, I will try to blog on here as often as I can, I can't promise everyday, but maybe if I promise you three times a week, I won't be disappointed if I only make it on here those three days, or if I make it more often, then I can feel like I succeeded at something.
Today...today is the last Sunday of September. I don't know about you, but I am not ready for September to be over. I am not ready for the hustle and bustle that is shortly behind it getting ready for the holiday season. I am not ready to embrace fall, because on its heels is winter. Yes, I LOVE winter, but I don't think I have recovered yet from last year, and from what I hear this year will be worse. But, what really concerns me is October. Yes, October. I know...it starts Wednesday, and that scares me. Why...well my first big CrossFit competition is on the 18th. I have 20 days to feel like I am ready, and right now I feel like I bit off more than I can chew. Am I scared, yes. More scared that I will disappoint myself and my daughter than anything else. I know that this competition won't be like anything else I have every done. I already feel that it is bigger than any race I ran...bigger than any exam I took. Why? Because I have only been at CrossFit Bane full time since the end of June. Only 3 months full time and I thought it would be a great idea to sign up for a competition. Am I crazy? Probably. I am throwing that in the mix of balancing a paleo eating challenge, getting my masters degree and being a single mom. I guess I like my plate super full. I also know that going to the gym has helped me deal with a lot of stress. I am thankful for the people friends I have made who I push myself against every day. I am thankful for the comradery that pushes me out of my comfort zone. I am thankful to those that believe in me, even when I don't believe in myself...but at the same time, I am afraid I will let these people down.
So today, today I went to open gym. Today I wanted to work on my back squat and try to get a PR. Try today was definitely the key word. But, I at least got my original PR. My right hip flexor is really tight. I felt it with every squat, so I was afraid to push it too hard and get hurt this close to a competition. But, I got 195 and was ok with it. Yes, ok. I took my daughter with me, and I didn't want to disappoint her, even though she was too busy checking out the gym to notice. Still, part of me never wants to disappoint her. After today, I decided that I like Sunday open gyms. That I will make Sundays apart of my training week, except that I will do what is prescribed and not what I want on my own. The workouts are made for a reason. I feel like as important as it was for me to try to PR on my back squat, maybe I should have done the conditioning work. No, I should have. But then I wouldn't have enjoyed my daughter's first time at the gym. Her first rope climb, her first ring swing. I wouldn't have enjoyed seeing her pick up the kettlebell and with excitement say that she is ready to join the gym. No, I don't regret doing my own thing, I just know what I need to do next time. I am ready to step it up to the next level (although I am not sure what that is yet). I am ready to get that scale to finally start to have a 1 as the first number and finally be out of the 200# range. I have lived here long enough. I am ready to be the best me I can. If you can't join me and support me, then I am sorry, this will be good-bye. I have enough going on in my life, I don't need your baggage too.
How are you stepping out of your comfort zone? What are you doing to be the best you you can?