Long time coming

It has been a long time since I last wrote on this blog. A long long time. A little over 11 months to be exact. A lot has changed in my personal life, a lot has changed in my professional life, but most importantly, a lot has changed with me.  I don't even know how to start to catch anyone up on the whirlwind of the last 11 months. I guess I won't, well not yet.. It's not that I don't want too, I just don't think I am ready yet to go through those emotions again. Where I will start, is today, I will try to blog on here as often as I can, I can't promise everyday, but maybe if I promise you three times a week, I won't be disappointed if I only make it on here those three days, or if I make it more often, then I can feel like I succeeded at something.
Today...today is the last Sunday of September. I don't know about you, but I am not ready for September to be over. I am not ready for the hustle and bustle that is shortly behind it getting ready for the holiday season. I am not ready to embrace fall, because on its heels is winter. Yes, I LOVE winter, but I don't think I have recovered yet from last year, and from what I hear this year will be worse. But, what really concerns me is October. Yes, October. I know...it starts Wednesday, and that scares me. Why...well my first big CrossFit competition is on the 18th. I have 20 days to feel like I am ready, and right now I feel like I bit off more than I can chew. Am I scared, yes. More scared that I will disappoint myself and my daughter than anything else. I know that this competition won't be like anything else I have every done. I already feel that it is bigger than any race I ran...bigger than any exam I took. Why? Because I have only been at CrossFit Bane full time since the end of June. Only 3 months full time and I thought it would be a great idea to sign up for a competition. Am I crazy? Probably. I am throwing that in the mix of balancing a paleo eating challenge, getting my masters degree and being a single mom. I guess I like my plate super full. I also know that going to the gym has helped me deal with a lot of stress. I am thankful for the people friends I have made who I push myself against every day. I am thankful for the comradery that pushes me out of my comfort zone. I am thankful to those that believe in me, even when I don't believe in myself...but at the same time, I am afraid I will let these people down.
So today, today I went to open gym. Today I wanted to work on my back squat and try to get a PR. Try today was definitely the key word. But, I at least got my original PR. My right hip flexor is really tight. I felt it with every squat, so I was afraid to push it too hard and get hurt this close to a competition. But, I got 195 and was ok with it. Yes, ok. I took my daughter with me, and I didn't want to disappoint her, even though she was too busy checking out the gym to notice. Still, part of me never wants to disappoint her. After today, I decided that I like Sunday open gyms. That I will make Sundays apart of my training week, except that I will do what is prescribed and not what I want on my own. The workouts are made for a reason. I feel like as important as it was for me to try to PR on my back squat, maybe I should have done the conditioning work. No, I should have. But then I wouldn't have enjoyed my daughter's first time at the gym. Her first rope climb, her first ring swing. I wouldn't have enjoyed seeing her pick up the kettlebell and with excitement say that she is ready to join the gym. No, I don't regret doing my own thing, I just know what I need to do next time. I am ready to step it up to the next level (although I am not sure what that is yet). I am ready to get that scale to finally start to have a 1 as the first number and finally be out of the 200# range. I have lived here long enough. I am ready to be the best me I can. If you can't join me and support me, then I am sorry, this will be good-bye. I have enough going on in my life, I don't need your baggage too.
How are you stepping out of your comfort zone? What are you doing to be the best you you can?